Wicked (Wisconsin) Wednesday Pt. 4: Black Cadillac

This movie isn’t worth the time to think up a clever introduction. So here goes: I watched 2003’s Black Cadillac and it was terrible. Three imbeciles go to Wisconsin, are total idiots and then get chased by a car. The end. Okay. So maybe it is a little more than that. But this movie was really irritating to watch. There’s flawed logic, unintentionally flawed characters and an infuriatingly flawed climax. The movie’s selling point is that is stars Randy Quaid. Now Quaid isn’t terrible to watch, in fact he seems to be the only actor that enjoys his role throughout the film (other than Josh Hammond who plays the resident bad boy). But it is fortunate that someone enjoyed something in this movie because there is very little fun involved… The beginning of the film states that the movie was based on a true story. They really mean that loosely. What they mean by “true story” is that director John Murlowski once had an experience when he was growing up where he and his friends were driving home and were chased by a car for hours through backwoods roads. True enough, I guess. Open to three friends from Minnesota. They came to Wisconsin for a fun night of women in “the land of fake ID’s” (their words, not mine. Just ask 18-year-old me – not true). These are some all-American boys: the nerd and his all-star quarterback Yale-attending brother and their bad boy rebel friend. The entire movie they dig at how terrible Wisconsin is. I’m fine with that as long as it means these awful characters belong to Minnesota. When a bar fight breaks out, the three leave their sexploits behind and head back towards the boarder. It isn’t too long before they spot a 1957 Cadillac Series 75 Limousine stalking them. At this point in the movie, nothing else will matter other than how beautiful this car is (and all the other models used as stunt doubles). It’s the star. The heartthrob of the film. Like other car films such as Christine, the car takes on a supernatural presence. It is everywhere the boys drive. It knows their every move. But it isn’t long until they see policeman Charlie (Quaid) on the side of the road with a frozen car. They pick him up and seek help. Now this is the most over-friendly forgiving cop in the world. He makes jokes like “Lipstick on your dipstick” and doesn’t care that the boys had been drinking in the car. But despite his demeanour and some seriously flawed logic, the boys ditch him as soon as they are convinced the people in the Cadillac want Charlie. But of course the car still stalks them or it would be a movie. Not much happens throughout the last third of the movie. Lots of driving. Lots of “secrets” are revealed (although they aren’t that secret seeing as I guessed their secrets in the first half hour of the movie). But all things must come to an end and boy is this one ridiculous and stupid ending. The supernatural vibes mentioned below. Completely absent in the explanation. Without giving the ending away, it is the movie teen movie, early millennium ending anyone could write. Actually, this is really an ending anyone COULD write. This movie is so suspense-less and predictable, it was work just to stop my eyes from rolling. The ending is so painfully lame. Perhaps it was just sloppy writing or maybe this film refuses to age well. Either way, clearly I was not the intended demographic for the damned thing. This is a movie for dudes, man! Dudes who rock, man! ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?

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