You know what? I’m glad they decided to call this show Riverdale and not Archie or something of the like because Betty freaking Cooper has been stealing this whole damn show.

Sure, Veronica wore that scene-stealing Pussycats outfit, but I mean, come on – Betty is what’s holding this whole mystery together.

But much of “Fast, Pussycats! Kill! Kill!” focuses on (surprise) Josie and the Pussycats, turning Riverdale into even more of an ensemble show. Riverdale is getting ready for their variety show, of which the Pussycats will headline. Archie wants to audition but totally chokes and seemingly misses his opportunity.

The poor redhead asks Val to audition with them, but she turns him down as she’s still playing with the Pussycats. But Veronica is there to save the day and manages to get Archie a slot in the show anyway. Though… just to tread back on itself, Valerie quits the Pussycats after Josie gives her an ultimatum between Archie or the girls, which means Archie kicks Veronica out of his duet (“You ginger Judas!”).

With Valerie gone, Josie needs a new Pussycat. See where this is going? In a rage, Veronica decides to join the Pussycats.

But Veronica’s anger is much more than being slighted by Archie, it’s the fact that she saw her mother making out with Archie’s dad, who have decided to start dating each other despite being married to other people.

Fred and Hermione are now working together at Fred’s construction company, which is nearly bankrupt. Fred believes he can save his company if he can get the job with the construction at the old drive-in site. You know, if only he could get through to the ‘mysterious’ buyers.  The two tag-team on a proposal to Mayor McCoy.

Mayor McCoy invites the pair over to her house, along with the children (Josie, Veronica and Archie) and Josie’s jazz musician father, Myles, who has made a special trip to Riverdale to watch his daughter perform at the variety show. Myles, like Josie’s mother, is incredibly hard on his daughter. At dinner, he shuts Fred down for saying that music is the kids “just having fun.” Nope. Not for Miles.

No idea why Josie’s dad is such an asshole. Is it because he plays jazz music? Are all jazz musicians assholes? Either way, this dude is not a nice man.

Despite their great pitch, the mayor turns Fred down, saying that the buyers already are in the process of courting another construction company. The only way for Fred to get the contract is for two of the legal officers to sign (which will be, of course, Hermione and Veronica). When Veronica learns that she’s a legal officer of her father’s company, she gives her mom an ultimatum: she’ll sign if Hermione leaves Fred. But Hermione just forges her daughter’s signature anyway. Nice to see just a happy relationship.

Before the variety show, Archie tells Valerie to go back to the Pussycats. He suddenly becomes determined to overcome his stage fright all by himself. Which, you know, Archie is a bit of a dope but he can really be a swell dude when he wants to be.

Valerie happily hops back to Josie and the Pussycats and they deliver a freaking fantastic cover of “I Feel Love” with Veronica. Archie gives a great (if boring) performance that brings his daddy to tears (Luke Perry’s crying. I’m crying. We’re all crying. It’s all fun.). Oh, other than the fact that Myles gets up in the middle of the Pussycat’s performance and doesn’t return. Poor Josie.

But let’s get to the important shit.

Polly.

Jughead and Betty are pretty much an ace team together now. When Jughead goes to Betty’s for breakfast, he distracts her mom while Betty takes photos of her mom’s check book.

In the check book, they find checks written out to a home for disenfranchised youths. It’s some sort of holy reformation place for teens filled with places with names like “the garden of deliverance.”

The dream team head out to the home to find Polly. Betty has to go in alone, but this allows her to have a truly touching reunion with her sister who is, by the way, PREGNANT. Despite the fact that she’s going to be an aunt, Betty learns that Polly never tried to kill herself, but was trying to run away on the Fourth of July with Jason.

But when Betty breaks the news to Polly that Jason is dead, her poor sister goes a bit… wacky. She begins muttering about her plans with Jason, including the mention of a car. But before she gets to learn much more, the girls are pulled apart and their mom arrives to take Betty away.

At home, Betty accuses her dad of killing Jason. Her mom finds this hilarious, “You think he has the stomach?” Which totally raises my “she’s-totally-nuts” antenna.

Being in total deep shit, Betty is left alone but Jughead climbs up to her room on a ladder (only in Riverdale). He gives her a rather sweet speech about how we don’t have to be our parents and then (oh holy what shit) he kisses her! But Betty, totally not that into it, remembers what Polly had told her: something about a car.

The two find the car and it’s a total crime scene. It has Jason’s football jacket in it and a shit ton of drugs. Leaving the car, the pair run to get the Sheriff. When the Sheriff arrives, though, the car is on fire – completely destroying the evidence.

When Betty and Jughead go to rescue Polly, they find her window smashed and covered in blood, but no Polly.

This was a fantatstic episode. A great balance of silly teen drama and a bit of good mystery. But this episode really was all about relationships.

The worst thing to watch was Josie and her dad. But on the opposite end of Josie and Myles’ relationship, is Fred and Archie’s, which is quickly becoming one of my favourite relationships in the show. Yes it might be because I have a huge crush on Luke Perry, but I love their interactions. It’s such an affectionate father/son bit filled with mutual respect. More of this, please. I’m getting a little scared of the Coopers.

There are a lot of things that happened this episode. And a whole lot of questions that need answering like what the hell were those wolf masks? Are Val and Archie a thing now that they’ve made out or is she just another girl for Archie? What about Archie’s mom? But most importantly – who the hell set the car on fire?