Riverdale ep. 29 recap “Chapter Twenty-Nine: Primary Colors”

All hail Mary Andrews!

Just when things get too dirty in Riverdale, a queen swoops in to save the day. Or rather, save her husband. With Hermione running for mayor, Fred decides to pull Andrews Construction out of all deals with the Lodges. And that needs some serious legal help.

And what else needs a lot of help? Mary’s sass-mouthed son, Archie. Having mama home is a fresh breath of reality that was needed on the show. Whenever Archie begins to talk down to his dad (via the evil poisons of Hiram Lodge), Mary is there to set her son right. And thank god for that.

But with the prison plan out in the open, the Lodges begin to play up to what a great idea this is. Being dragged in the mud with them is Veronica. Her parents demand that she keep her head down.

And Ronnie does the exact  opposite of that by running for school body president. But the attention really doesn’t do her any good. Ethel gives her a milkshake in the face for all the “crimes” that the Lodge family have done. Veronica tries to win her back by getting Hiram to offer Ethel’s dad a job at the prison! And let’s all remember – what the Lodge financial scandal did to Ethel’s dad literally led him to attempting suicide and Veronica pretended to care for one episode.

Hiram makes things even trickier for Veronica when he decides to move the demolition of Southside High forward to the following week. Jughead starts a hunger strike (!!!) and gathers the Serpents to chain themselves to the school.

Veronica tries to get Josie’s endorsement, and she seemingly agrees. The two girls begin to perform a number together when Ethel arrives passing out fliers, listing all of the lies that Veronica has done. When Ronnie says “but the job!” Ethel simply tells her: It’s too little too late. Damn right it is, girl.

But the fliers reveal that Veronica knew all along about the Lodges’ plan to build the prison, despite what she told her friends. Betty, who was planning to be Veronica’s running mate, pulls out of the race. And the friendship becomes even more strained.

At the end of the week, Hiram sends Archie out to break the chains of Jughead’s protest. Archie agrees, but only if Hiram agrees to let Fred out of all their contracts together. And he does. Seeing Archie betray Jughead really hurts. Even though their friendship is one of the least believable things about this TV show.

Ultimately, Jughead decides to take matters into his own hands by running for student body president himself. He asks Betty to be his running mate, and she agrees (though why doesn’t Betty just run herself? Literally everyone likes her).

Fred also announces to Archie that he has decided to run for mayor. Not sure if it’s Mary’s help or if it was Archie’s disgusting comments about him that really drove the message home.

Though politics are cute, Betty is trying to handle Chic still. Last episode revealed that he isn’t a Blossom, but unfortunately, all ships of Alice and FP were put to rest by Alice herself. So Chic isn’t FP’s son or Hal’s…so who’s boy is it?

Chic continues to be a creep, and we all know that he really deserves that punch that Veronica gave Reggie.

But while Betty and Chic keep trying to out-darkness each other or whatever, Cheryl Blossom is facing some seriously dark stuff.

She tells the “inner circle” of her girlfriends that she believes her mother and her newly-discovered uncle are plotting against her and Nana Rose. Her paranoia is proved right when Nana Rose falls from her wheelchair one night.

While the old lady survives, Cheryl knows it isn’t the end of the crazy shit. The doctor tells Cheryl that traces of tannis root were found in Nana Rose’s blood, which caused her to become paralysed.

Penelope Blossom arrives at the hospital to take Cheryl away. But the two don’t go home.

Toni later visits the Blossom residence to visit Cheryl. Penelope tells Toni that Cheryl has gone to “boarding school in Switzerland”, but in actuality, Cheryl has been sent to conversion therapy at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. The Blossoms have gone full Flowers in the Attic and it’s fascinating. Poor Cheryl. How the hell will she get herself out of this one?

While this was a fun episode, it was ultimately a very frustrating one. I’m not sure why Riverdale decided to make 50% of its main cast so unlikable. There’s flawed and then there’s flat-out horrible. Archie really needs a full turn around here or I’m out. Even Veronica needs a wake up call. I’m not supporting the bullying she faced at the hands of the girls at her school, but girl can’t have her cake and eat it too.

I probably shouldn’t be rooting as hard as I am for something really bad to happen to A&V.

It was a big heavy-handed but I liked the message of the episode. Don’t like what your government are doing? Run yourself and try to make a difference.

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