So last week’s episode of Riverdale ended on a pretty bleak note: Cheryl Blossom in conversion therapy.
And it really doesn’t look good for her. Her favourite part of the week is watching the movies in which she imagines her friends in the various roles. But thankfully Toni isn’t as naive enough to believe Penelope Blossom’s bullcrap. She tells Josie and Veronica about her concerns, and both girls seem on board to help.
Which is slightly weird because Josie is now Reggie’s running mate again Veronica (who has made Archie her running mate after Betty’s exit). It takes one trip to see Penelope, though, to get Josie running. She shows the girls the drawing Cheryl had done of her and Josie. Josie connects the dots and realises that Cheryl was the one who sent her the pig’s heart. Which is right…right?
Veronica’s dad receives some “uninvited guests” in the form of two gangsters that helped plot against Hiram with Papa Poutine. They are anxious about Hermione’s mayoral campaign, but tell Hiram their worries would be eased if they got a large cut of the prison project.
The cut, though, would put Hiram at a loss, and he refuses to meet the demands. But since Hiram has less muscle power behind him these days, the men try scare tactics. Including have Adams (that fake FBI agent/turncoat) shoot Andre.
Putting Andre in the hospital leaves the Lodges completely unprotected. But Archie comes up with an idea before Hiram hands over all his money: give Reggie the Bulldog vote for president in exchange for them blowing up a car. Seems fair.
Archie’s meddling, though, makes him miss his own father’s announcement for running for mayor. But Archie is a big asshole, and I’m over him anyway. Oh and he gets a blue car.
The only people with a week worse than the Lodges are Betty and Alice. Remember how Chic totally murdered some guy? Well, the ‘lake’ that Betty and Jughead pushed the car into was actually a swamp, and the car was discovered.
Alice panics and begs Betty to return home as she’s staying with the Joneses. But she makes an ultimatum for her mom: Chic leaves and Betty stays. Only Alice isn’t about to be pushed around by a 16-year-old and Betty is dragged home with her tail between her legs.
But the peace doesn’t stay long. Just as Betty is demanding a tattoo, Chic arrives with the owner of the car: the dead man’s girlfriend. Understanding that one of the Coopers killed her boyfriend, the woman demands $10,000. Alice agrees and sends Betty. Only when Betty returns home, she finds that Chic’s old, violent landlord is also there.
The two Centervillians say that they are unwilling to leave, even with the money. But before Alice can argue, Jughead and his Serpents arrive to stop the argument. It’s really an olive branch as the Serpents were originally angry that Jughead was running for president with Betty, whose mom abandoned the Serpents.
But at the end of the episode, we see FP and Alice together. Together forever, perhaps? Hopefully. Those two are such a beautiful couple of loveliness it’s just not sure.
But the highlight of the episode came thanks to Kevin.
Toni receives a call at school one day from Nana Rose, who managed to get to a phone by crawling to it. Nana Rose tells Toni that Cheryl is with “the sisters” but the call is cut before she can explain more.
Toni tells Veronica about the call, and they come to the conclusion that it’s the Sisters of Silent Mercy. They go to Kevin for help, who tells them about a tunnel that some of the “patients” use to escape out of the facility.
That night, Veronica, Toni and Kevin go together to liberate Cheryl. In one of the sweetest moments in recent Riverdale history, Cheryl and Toni share their first kiss in a creepy convent.
So Cheryl is safe. For now. And she’s back with a bloody vengeance. If I were Penelope, I’d probably watch my back.
*New fun/shit theory of the week. I’m assuming Chic is the son of a Serpent (probably not FP at this point). What about Tall Boy? He’s a jerk. It could make sense. Especially since Alice doesn’t want to talk about it. Seriously, though, will this be answered this season? I can’t imagine caring all the way into season 3.
The next episode of Riverdale will air in three weeks. And it’s the Carrie: The Musical episode! How does that factor into the plot? Does it need to factor into the plot? We’ll just find out next month.