Every year I put off watching this. I have no idea what possessed me to watch it this year, but it was 100% an absolute mistake.

Remakes are tricky. They have a bad reputation at this moment in time when the market is saturated with them, but there are many remakes that are incredibly successful. Anything from The Thing and yes even the 2013 Evil Dead are great movies, even sometimes (in the case of The Thing) vastly improving on the original.

Making a successful remake, though, is hard. It needs to stand on its own two feet without being too dissimilar where it only exists to rip off a name, and it needs to be original in its own right.

The 2006 Black Christmas is a cynical money-grab that can kiss my Christmas ass. Even with Bob Clark’s name attached and Andrea Martin’s role as the house mother couldn’t save this sinking ship.

This remake is pretty standard fair when it comes to the plot. If you have seen the original, imagine that but stripped down to its bare bones. The film attempts to add some originality by adding a back story for Billy.

Unfortunately, this is the film’s biggest faux pas. One of the original’s strengths is that we really have no idea what “Billy” wants or why he’s doing what he’s doing. It’s the feeding of small facts throughout the film that makes it unknown feel large and terrifying.

Like many remakes, Black Christmas is trying to create a story about characters that we just don’t care about. Actually, you had me caring about Billy and his father until the father gets killed. The story just gets daft from there – and not even in a fun House on Sorority Row way.

There was a fairly decent cast here, that could have made something convincing if given the right material. Mary Elizabeth Winstead in particular has proved time and time again she has the chops for horror, but she’s entirely forgettable (though I really don’t blame her). But by focusing so much on Billy and his story, it takes away from the time that could be invested in making us care about the Sorority sisters. It’s pretty difficult to care about any of them. They most exist to just be bodies (but I guess this is a slasher after all).

Ultimately, I am incredibly biased. The 1974 Black Christmas is not only my favourite Christmas horror movie, but it’s one of my favourite movies ever. It preys upon all my fears and has some incredibly real horrible moments.

This remake attempts to capture those same moments, but it always falls short. The visuals of Billy’s eyes watching the girls is so terrifying in the original and here it just feels…perverted. I guess both are meant to be that way, but one is much more effective than the other.

Added ‘twists’ are pretty obvious and, again, just not that impressive.

So “in summary”: Black Christmas 2006 is overly-long. It’s tired and cliched. And it’s very, very, very boring. Skip this and just rewatch the original. Not that you probably needed any convincing otherwise.