Wicked Wendesday

Wicked Wednesday: No Place to Hide (1981)

I’m thinking it’s maybe time to hang up Made-for-TV March.

Obviously I’m not serious, but when I read the synopsis for No Place to Hide, I had major déjà vu. A young artist is stalked and hardly believed? That’s the plot to Are You in the House Alone? I was even more perplexed when I realised this also starred Kathleen Beller!

Alas, despite the surface similarities, the two films are hardly alike at all. Where Are You in the House Alone is quite a serious look at assault and the suffering of victims, No Place to Hide is campier with more of the hallmarks of light-hearted TV thrillers. The villains are more cartoonish and the story is sillier.

And I liked it.

Art student Amy has been dealing with a stalker for a while. She keeps seeing a man following her, but the police don’t believe her. In the opening scene, she sees a man in the back of her car. The man tells her, “Soon, Amy. Soon.” But when someone checks the car for her, it’s empty. The police chalk it up to her imagination again.

To help with Amy’s credibility, her stepmother Adele suggests Amy see a psychiatrist to get the all-clear. Amy reluctantly agrees and meets with the young Dr Letterman. Shortly after their first meeting, Amy receives a funeral wreath with a note that says, “Soon, Amy. Soon.”

When Amy and Adele go to the florist to question him, he insists that it was Amy who ordered the wreath. Amy becomes perplexed and uncertain of her own sanity, but she still feels convinced something else is going on. She’s right, though, and that night at school, she’s pursued by the shadowing man again.

Following a discussion with Dr Letterman, Amy decides to go to the cabin where her father died the year before. Though initially planning to go on her own, Adele joins. They have a nice time until Adele is called away. Lo and behold: while Amy is away, strange things begin to happen again.

Amy is eventually attacked and left to die on the river. But is she dead? Will her attackers ever be found guilty for their crimes?

That’s what the last thirty minutes or so of this film make you wonder. And this is when the momentum comes to a screeching halt. Without Amy, the story kind of meander. It really slows the pace and kills any sort of suspense. It definitely feels like they padded the wrong parts out. Let our villains get their comeuppance in 15 minutes or less, please.

However, I really did like this one. Beller is so magnetic on screen. While her character wasn’t as fleshed out as hers in Are You in the House Alone?, you still want to root for her. Some of the early gags (the car, the wreath, the chase sequence) are really good. Shame there wasn’t a bit more of that. You could question Amy’s sanity, but it’s almost too clear that it isn’t her minus the one incident with the wreath.

Kathleen Beller is a hero. Everyone else is just a bully.

Wicked Wednesday: The Initiation of Sarah (1978)

What makes a bond between sisters? Is it blood? Family? A sense of belonging? Horror movies love to explore the bond of sisterhood in sorority-set stories. Well… in only a way a TV movie directed by a man and mostly written by men can do. (Shout out to soap writer Carol Saraceno who gets her name in the credits here!)

Sisters Sarah and Patty are off to college together for their freshman year. Patty is the social type, determined to join their mother’s former sorority (or is it the “once your sorority, always your sorority” sort of deal?). Sarah is adopted and lacks her sister’s charms – a much more unlikely fit got Alpha Nu Sigma. But the two are determined to stick together in their new world.

When they head to Alpha Nu Sigma’s rush week party, Patty is immediately taken under the wings of Jennifer, one of the sorority’s sisters. Sarah is left to her own devices, watching from the sidelines. As a cruel joke, the sorority sisters recommend that Sarah rush for Phi Epsilon Delta (which they lovingly refer to as Pigs, Elephants and Dogs).

When Sarah and Patty arrive at Phi Epsilon Delta, they quickly realise that the place is much less popular. The girls are bored and disinterested in new members. But after rush week, Patty gets her dream of making Alpha Nu Sigma while Sarah gets into Phi Epsilon Delta.

The sisters are separated. Though they try to console themselves, evil queen Jennifer forces them apart. If Sarah wants to join her new sisterhood, she must leave her real sister behind.

But no one knows that Sarah has a secret: she has telekinetic powers. She can cause things to happen with her mind. Angry with Patty, she causes a piano to fall, but she decides to save her sister in time. They try their best to make amends, but the relationship remains strained.

At Phi Epsilon Delta, Sarah meets her new sorority sisters and her house mother, Mrs Hunter (played by the DELIGHTFUL Shelley Winters). The house mother quickly lets on that she knows Sarah’s powers, as she seemingly knows who Sarah’s birth mother is.

Sarah is encouraged to use her powers, and she does. The powers begin to make her new sorority a better place. The girls are friendlier not only to each other but to themselves. She finds new confidence in her new role as a leader, being (mostly) unphased by Jennifer’s bullying antics.

It isn’t until initiation night that Sarah realises her powers won’t always be used for good. She must make a decision: reach full success or save her loved ones.

The Initiation of Sarah is one of the best TV movies I’ve seen. It has the classic tropes (sororities, telekinetic powers, crappy moms), but it still makes for an enjoyable watch. The cast is very good. Morgan Fairchild as Jennifer is the queen bitch! She’s a delight to watch. Though I do think it’s hilarious that for the first half of the movie, we’re meant to agree that Kay Lenz is an ugly duckling.

It does veer a little too much into Carrie territory and could do with being a touch more original, but I think it’s easily glossed over if you’re looking for something cheesy and fun. The ending is thoroughly worth it. One of the better TV movie one-two punches!

There is a 2006 remake with Fairchild in it as well as Jennifer Tilly. You absolutely know that’s going to be next week’s pick.

Wicked Wednesday: All the Kind Strangers (1974)

Stranger danger. Apparently not a big deal in the 70s.

You hear lots of stories of hitchhikers and latchkey kids back in the “good ol’ days”. Seemingly a world where we could all just trust each other more. But if All the Kind Strangers (or any story featured on Unsolved Mysteries) is anything to go by, you should probably not trust anyone ever. ESPECIALLY children.

Jimmy Wheeler is a photojournalist on his way to a job when he spots a lone child in the road. Young Gilbert is in the middle of nowhere, struggling with a bag of groceries. Feeling for the young kiddo, who has many miles to walk, Jimmy offers the kid a ride down the road.

Gilbert gives Jimmy directions. Down the road for a few miles. This lone dirt path? Just down a few more miles. Just keep going even when you run out of road and need to drive through a wide stream.

Despite his increasing unease, Jimmy keeps driving the child. Personally, I’d never help a child, let alone drive my new luxury convertible through a gross brook, but this is why I’m not the main character in a horror TV movie. Eventually, however, the car arrives at an old farmhouse.

Jimmy goes inside and meets Gilber’s siblings – all six of them. They’re clearly a rough bunch without a smile to spare for anyone. Jimmy’s bad feelings grow and are completely justified. Things are not well in the household.

When he asks to meet the children’s mother, he is introduced to the young English woman Carol Ann. She’s quite clearly not the children’s mother (well, Jimmy knows this right away. Coulda fooled me.). He sees the locks are on the outside of the kitchen she’s working in, not the inside. There are boards over the doors as well.

As the two adults speak, Carol Ann writes “HELP ME” in the flour. Before Jimmy can ask any questions, they are pulled into dinner with the children.

At dinner, Jimmy learns that the children’s mother died in childbirth years earlier. Their bootlegging father died falling from a roof or something. They’ve been auditioning people to be their replacement parents so they can all stay together.

Carol Ann and Jimmy know they have to escape. The fate of the other potential parents is not clear, but it’s obviously not a happy ending for anyone. Jimmy finds a bunch of initialled belongings in his room. He sees a bunch of sunken cars in the stream, including his own. But with doors locked and hungry dogs waiting in the yard… escape isn’t as easy as just walking out the door.

Eventually, though, All the Kind Strangers takes the easy way out. The kids learn their lesson and the adults get their freedom. If it weren’t for pesky cable television restrictions getting in the way, this could have taken a darker turn. So the movie has some pretty good moments, but it ultimately falls a bit flat.

But there was a good atmosphere, lightening and thunder. Really all I want out of a quick 70-minute TV movie.

It’s difficult not to compare this story to Children of the Corn, but this TV movie actually predates King’s by three years. I think all these creepy kid stories are onto something, though. Why trust any of these little ones? Jimmy would have been happy and free if he would have just let Gilbert walk! The kid said he was fine, leave him!

You really never know what you’re going to pick up when you open your (car) doors to strangers.

Wicked Wednesday: Death at Love House (1976)

I’m a little bit late out the gate, but here we are! Made-for-TV March is back, baby!

And what better way to begin the month than with the star-studded soapy drama: Death at Love House.

In the starring roles are TV icons Robert Wagner and Kate Jackson. They play young couple Joel and Donna Gregory, visiting Hollywood to write a book on an actress who had a love affair with Joel’s father. The actress, Lorna Love (played by Marianna Hill of Messiah of Evil), supposedly died young. Her body is preserved in a tomb/shrine in her backyard.

When the couple arrives, they meet agent Oscar and housekeeper Clara. They’re shown around Lorna’s house when they see a portrait of her. They both are pulled to it, but Joel much more so.

Their first day, Donna sees a woman in 1930s clothing in the garden. When she tries to find the woman, no one is to be found.

The couple meets with several people: a director who worked with Lorna, a former rival of hers, and the leader of her fan club. Joel and Donna begin to unpick the mysteries of Lorna’s life, soon discovering she was into the occult with hopes of staying young forever.

In the home is a hooded figure. The figure targets the director, killing him. The figure also tries to kill Donna by carbon monoxide poisoning.

While Donna becomes increasingly upset with living in the home, Joel becomes more and more obsessed. When things come to a head and she realises the truth of Lorna Love’s fate, Donna must race to save her husband or lose him to the house and Lorna forever.

This is a pretty weird one. On one hand, it’s got everything I love in a TV movie: a big beautiful home that’s a bit haunted, an unseen figure messing with people, a Sunset Boulevard rip-off plot. The calibre of the supporting cast here is just incredible (Sylvia Sidney is here along with a slew of old Hollywood icons). They easily outshine the two leads.

And yet…it’s pretty forgettable as far as TV movies go. It plots along most of the time. Loads of dialogue about Lorna Love that isn’t terribly interesting.

That being said… I LOVE the twist ending. It’s so soap opera-y. So dramatic and, technically, a bit stupid. This is what I demand of my TV movies. Give me all of the drama!

Wicked Wednesday: The Lost Vlog of Ruby Real

Found footage as a subgenre gets a lot of hate…and rightfully so. I adore it, and there are a lot of classics that fall under this umbrella. But for every Lake Mungo and Rec there are 800 Lost Vlog of Ruby Real.

I get it. It’s a style of filmmaking that can be done on a budget, so that makes it appeal to a lot of young filmmakers for that very reason (our pal Kane Parsons got a feature-length version of his short greenlit this week). But while seemingly easy and accessible on the surface, making a good and convincing found-footage story is really hard!

In this not-quite-feature-length feature, a group of vloggers get together to make a video. At the heart of it is Ruby Real. She’s working to prove different myths as just that. The one that has recently taken her interest is “The Tree Game”. According to the myth, if someone walks around this tree, they end up in a different dimension.

Great set-up. Got me sold. But the trio arrive at the tree pretty quickly and with only a mild “we’re lost!” subplot that immediately gets resolved. The three walk around the tree and seemingly nothing has changed. Only it has. Apparently. There’s nothing really for the audience to see or understand that they are in a different dimension. They just keep walking down this nice path and saying, “We’re going in circles!” Now, that doesn’t say different dimension to me. That just says kids these days need to learn how to use maps and compasses.

Of course a lot of this will sound exactly like another very familiar plot. The Blair Witch Project changed found-footage movies forever. But its success has made a lot of storytellers a bit lazy. Not every found-footage movie needs to hit the same beats: we’re in the woods, creepy objects are found in the woods, we’re lost, we panic.

Eventually, Cali (another one of the vloggers) walks around the tree and vanishes. It’s obvious from the get-go that she’s gone around the other way, and YET – this stumps the last two creators FOR AGES! I spotted it right away and my brain had been checked out for ages at that point.

And yet, we still keep spiralling and end up with a rather baffling ending. It’s a bit otherworldly (finally), but with so little of that throughout the film it just doesn’t make any sense. There weren’t very many hints that they were in another world. Show people going backwards! Little things the vloggers left behind that are not “quite right”. Get creative with no budget!

There is definitely a seed of a good idea here. I think if developed more, it might be something more. But creative lore doesn’t necessarily make things interesting to watch.

I rarely get this annoyed by films (I usually allow myself to turn off something I don’t like), but I just wasn’t having it this week. It probably didn’t help that Plex’s constant barrage of ads made me want to pull my hair out. Nothing makes a slow movie feel slower like having to watch the same moneylending ad four times in a row.

Wicked Wednesday: Short film round-up

Occasionally I like breaking free of the feature-length shackles to watch something that can pack a punch in just a few short minutes. I did a mini short-film marathon the other night and happened to see a link between the three: all of them manage to create a very unsettling feeling by not doing much at all.

Other Side of the Box (2018) dir. by Caleb J. Phillips

So…what’s in the basket box?

Couple Rachel and Ben are enjoying a night in before Christmas when an unwelcome visitor arrives. Their not-quite-friend Shawn is invited in, and he gives a wrapped gift to Ben. Not wanting to be rude, Ben accepts the gift but is told not to read the card until after opening the box. Shawn skedaddles quickly after he’s sure the box has been opened.

In a similar vein to It Follows, Ben and Rachel realise that they’ve been saddled with a curse. The curse? A creepy man peering at them from over the side of the box. Shawn’s card warns them not to look away from the man at any point.

The man is a very simple visual, but it really made my skin crawl. No offence to the actor playing him, of course! It’s the hidden face and unblinking eyes that really set me on edge. Something about a Peeping Tom really unsettles me.

The Backrooms (Found Footage) (2022) dir. by Kane Parsons

Kids these days… I’m glad they’ll be running things when I’m old because these little ones know what they’re doing. They’re more competent than I’ve ever been!

Director Parsons was only 16 when he made this short. This is an impressive film without that fact, but it’s definitely worth noting because this kid accomplished a lot (with presumably little other than a phone and a computer programme…yes I’m aware of how old that makes me sound).

The Backrooms is a relatively new urban legend that is about an endless maze of empty rooms and liminal spaces. A person can find themselves in the Backrooms by accident and it’s never known how to escape. It’s all seemingly random, which adds to the uncomfortable atmosphere.

In The Backrooms (Found Footage) a cameraman is making a movie when he noclips into an empty office with an abandoned 1980s style. He wanders for ages trying to find a way out when he soon realises he isn’t alone.

This would have been my literal nightmare as a kid. What Parsons managed to do is incredible. He sets feels genuinely isolated and sad. A lot like my real office, come to think of it…

Atman (1975) dir. by Toshio Matsumoto

The final film of the evening was Atman by experimental director Toshio Matsumoto. It’s not strictly a horror short, but for some reason, there’s a sense of dread that permeates throughout.

A person in a hannya (a Japanese demon representing jealousy) mask sits in a chair while the camera revolves around them. The images are presented in a frame-by-frame manner, slowing speeding up while zooming in and out.

As the shots get faster, the shrill sounds become more and more intense. There’s really nothing else “happening”, but I do know that I would never like to be in this world or come across this person anywhere, let alone the seemingly isolated countryside where it was filmed.

Wicked Wednesday: Skinamarink (2022)

Last Sunday, my friend and I went to the cinema to watch Skinamarink. Lately, I’ve really enjoyed going to movies without any knowledge or expectation of them. There were two things I knew about this movie going into it: it’s an indie horror, and people can’t stop talking about it.

And wow. I’m glad I went into this with zero expectations because I would have never in a million years expected what I saw.

Skinamarink takes an experimental approach. For all but one shot, we barely see the characters’ faces. Instead, the viewer is subjected to long shots of the interior of a house where things keep disappearing. We mostly follow a pair of siblings as they navigate the horrors unfolding in their home.

The long shots without any action are definitely going to test most audiences. In an era where things are so fast-paced, it’s definitely an adjustment to just sit and breathe with the image.

At times the movie’s stillness becomes almost unbearable, but it’s clearly intentional. The sense of dread that director Kyle Edward Ball creates feels massive. There are a couple of jump scares that gave me genuine chills, but it’s the lack of things happening that can feel the eeriest.

This is probably the only film where I saw people walk out. One man left pretty early. One woman got up in a huff and angrily pushed through her row to exit with about 45 minutes to go. It definitely was making people react.

When the house lights went up, a few vocal audience members had a lot to say about why the movie was a waste of time. I’m not even sure how my friend felt about it. But I felt like I had experienced something that I’d never forget. Did I like it? Well…not sure if I was meant to enjoy it.

Sure. I had no idea what was going on most of the time. I couldn’t explain most of what was happening. All of that, though, added to the nightmarish feel. It was exactly like when you are having a bad dream that you can’t wake up from (in a good way mind, though I’m sure some people will take it both ways!).

When I saw the notice that the PCC had extended its showings, my gut immediately told me I needed to see it again. Proof that it clearly left its mark.

Going out and supporting unusual horror projects is so important. Not everything will be our cup of tea, but horror needs to exist in all its forms and push us beyond our limits. No other genre can do the same thing.

Wicked Wednesday: Full Moon High (1981)

Happy 2023! Always a shock to the system when you realise you’re already this many days into the new year and have done nothing, let alone attempted to make yourself “better” in any way.

Let me tell you, the brain has been like sludge. After a long visit back to the States over Christmas, I have lost most of my ambition of watching movies. And most of them that I have seen are comedies and not horror. My heart isn’t in it!

But I knew it was time to get my ass in gear and start writing again. If watching comedy felt easier than horror, why not try a horror comedy. The comedy should make the pill easier to swallow, right?

Well. Let’s just say that wasn’t the case. Comedy must be one of the most difficult genres to write. What one person finds funny might be really unfunny to someone else. Unfortunately for me, Full Moon High was 0% funny to me, but instead it felt like a painful journey that just wouldn’t end.

This 80s horror comedy was written and directed by the iconic Larry Cohen. This is a funny guy. I’m really not sure why this one didn’t work for me.

In the 1950s (or what only half-heartedly attempts to be the 50s), football star Tony Walker is dragged to Romania by his father. This isn’t Tony’s idea of a great time, especially as the trip means that he will miss the Big Game. While his dad has a great time with his lady friends, Tony is forced to wander Romania by himself.

One night, Tony is dining alone when a woman offers to read his palm. She tells him that he will live forever and has the pentagram, a sign of the werewolf, on him. He gets lost on his way back home when he is attacked by a werewolf and becomes one himself.

Tony is now cursed to live forever in his high school body. After his dad’s accidental death back in America, Tony decides to leave Full Moon. He travels the world on his own for decades, terrorising people wherever he does.

When he returns to Full Moon High in the 80s, he finds it in much worse shape than before. The football team, for one, is atrocious. He quickly gains the attention of three women: his former high school sweetheart, his teacher and the class hottie. (Though the classmate and teacher looked so similar, I thought they were the same character for most of this movie…)

Tony believes that his only way of breaking his curse is by scoring a touchdown in the Big Game. Unfortunately for him, Full Moon High’s football team stinks. He still gets the touchdown, is shot, lives, and remains a werewolf.

There’s more to it like a transformation video he makes with his classmate that everyone thinks is a porno. Umm…a hijacking? I don’t know. It tires me out just thinking about it all again.

Thankfully, lead actor Adam Arkin is pretty good in this. He’s charismatic enough to help you understand why everyone is so attracted to him. His father even makes an appearance as a psychiatrist. I would have enjoyed Alan’s part more if I understood why the hell he was there.

I really wish the movie had done more in the way of plot or even scene setting. Make the 50s BIG. Make Tony’s adjustment to the changing world more apparent. Write some plot! I don’t know! Anything! Help!

Full Moon High didn’t get one single laugh from me. But I think even if it does manage to make you laugh, there isn’t much here that will be worth remembering the next day.

Wicked Wednesday: I won’t talk about I Trapped the Devil (much)

This week’s plan was to watch and write about I Trapped the Devil. But man…sometimes you have nothing to say about something. With no back-up film having been watched, I’m sitting here before the holidays (stressed) with a bunch of notes on a movie I’ve already mostly forgotten.

Oops?

I Trapped the Devil is a nice enough film. It’s got that nice green-and-red glow that Christmas horror movies should have. It’s also a short film wearing a feature-length’s clothes.

Matt and his wife, Karen, visit Matt’s brother Steve for Christmas. It’s a nice gesture, right? But it’s unannounced and two years after the death of Steve’s daughter and wife. Nice brother. Anyway, Steve’s nuts and thinks he has trapped THE LITERAL SATAN in his basement. Has he? Hasn’t he? Let the question linger the entire film!

There are no reveals in this movie, which I think makes it a bit one-note. If we gathered information about Steve and his descent throughout the film, I might have been more intrigued. But you know what’s going on pretty early. Then just sit with it until the story decides to wrap up.

Safe to say. It’s not going to make my list of favourite Christmas movies.

Can a film make it on atmosphere and ~vibes~ alone? Yes. I recently watched the excellent A Wounded Fawn directed by Travis Stevens. Not a clue what was going on, but it looked amazing. If you’re going to rely on pretty, make sure it’s got something worth paying attention to. Christmas lights can hold my attention for a long while, but probably not 80-some minutes.

Speaking of lists… I made one back in 2016, and I thought it might be time for a refresh. Having looked at it again, I can say it’s a basic bitch list. After all these years, though, it still is probably what I’d produce today. Bar Elves. Not sure what I was on then. Did I really like this film? I can tell you nothing about it.

I always find this time leading up to Christmas to be one that is stressful. Who has time to do any serious, critical thinking? Not I! Is this why so many websites produce lists? I’m going to produce lists. Look forward to those lists. Your girl is tired these days.

Wicked Wednesday: No Exit (20220

Book adaptions are tough. As an audience, it doesn’t matter how often we tell ourselves the two mediums are different: some bias will always remain. Oh and most of the audience doesn’t care about how stories have to be told differently on page and screen. That’s probably ass, too.

I tried to reserve judgement when watching an adaptation of a book I like. It doesn’t always work. But what about an adaptation of a book you perhaps didn’t like.

No Exit was a book I tried reading in early 2021. It had everything I love: a locked-room mystery, a snowy local… But the book just didn’t work for me. There was a point about halfway through the book that I gave up, flipped through the rest of the book and learned the ending. I know, I know. I’m the worst kind of human.

When I saw there was a (rather quietly released) film adaptation out, I was still intrigued. Even more, I had friends recommend it to me.

But in faithful adaptions, this one was a little too faithful for me. Because it was at the same point in the book and film that I checked out.

Darby is an addict in rehab. When she gets the call that her mother has had an aneurysm, she breaks out and steals a car. On her way to the hospital in Salt Lake City, a storm strands her in the mountains.

A police officer directs her to stay at a visitors’ center, where a group of people are waiting out the storm. There she finds two young men and a couple. Things seem boring and mundane until Darby goes out to try and get a phone signal. While roaming in the storm, she hears the screams of a girl. She finds the child in the back of the van and must free the girl.

The reveal of “who” kidnapped the girl arrives very early. The film is very good at building suspense, but it’s spent very quickly. The ending trudges along in a series of events that increasingly gets more tiresome.

That being said, it has great performances, particularly by the lead Havana Rose Lui. Also love seeing Dale Dickey and Dennis Haysbert in anything. The film looks great and the setting is really well utilised here.

If you want a horror thriller to fill two hours of your time, No Exit isn’t a bad way to spend it.

So the moral of the story is: if you didn’t like the book, you’ll probably not like the movie either.