cats

Wicked Wednesday: Uninvited (1987)

Is there anything more majestic than what a B-movie really just leans into its gimmick? Sometimes low-budget films almost act embarrassed of what they are. They’re boring. What we need are more movies that are enthusiastic, as enthusiastic as 1987’s Uninvited.

If I had to describe this utterly bonkers movie in one sentence it would be: Trump-meets-Epstine millionaire gets on a boat with a bunch of kids only to get picked off by a cat…with a demon in its mouth.

And yet, it’s so much more than that.

At a research facility, a cat-experiment escapes and kills its handlers. Out on the run, the cat finds safety in the hands of two girls on Spring Break, Suzanne and Bobbi. When the two girls find themselves without a hotel to stay at, they’re saved by creep extraordinaire, Walter Graham.

Walter invites the girls to join him on his yacht the following day. He plans to go to the Cayman Islands with his associates to evade prosecution for…something (honestly, I couldn’t follow and didn’t really care). But before the girls head off, they invite a trio of random boys to join them.

The whole gang, cat included, board Walter’s yacht. In exchange for joining the journey, the boys must work as the captain’s crew. The captain, Rachel, is not thrilled. Only, she’s trying to buy back the yacht from Walter, who managed to take it from her father when he owed money (or something – again, it was about money, and I didn’t really care).

A cat aboard should bring good luck. Maybe it does. But the demon in its mouth is probably cancelling out anything good the cat brought along. It begins killing everyone off starting on the first night with its poison. It also messes with the boat, stranding everyone at sea. It’s honestly the worst pet you could ever ask for, and it’s amazing! 

As the group is stranded longer and longer, they begin to make increasingly desperate decisions. Sure everyone seems to be an idiot. But it’s an 80s slasher, it’s not too below the standard of the genre. Plus it makes it all the more rewarding when they die!

Is Uninvited good? No. Is it fun as hell? Hell yeah!

The cat puppet is easily my favourite part of this movie. The beast is so hellbent on destruction. Why? Well, we don’t really know why other than ~scientsits~ but it’s easy enough to go along with things. Especially since the death scenes are pretty excellent. There’s splurting blood, knawed-off fingers, and poisoned food. Could you ask for more?

This is certainly not high quality. But I do think it’s worth popping on if you want to have a laugh. And it’s unique. How many other demon-in-cat mouth movies can you name?