This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call ‘a bit of a reach’. But when it comes to Lois Duncan adaptations, I pretty much refuse to watch I Know What You Did Last Summer ever again. I’ve been that movie too many times, especially for something I don’t even like.

But we’ll skip I Still Know… and jump to this direct-to-DVD sequel that’s essentially a reboot/rehash of the first film. To begin with, I Know What You Did Last Summer isn’t very true to the source material. The use of the Fisherman urban myth and the slasher-style is completely unique to the film. Well, I say unique but this is a kindness to the film, but you get what I mean.

Since Lois Duncan month has gone as badly as it could have gone, why not watch a film with a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes? Is it possible to enjoy watching yourself burn?

I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer is exactly what you’d expect. I mean, exactly. No surprises here. There are even less surprises considering it plays so much into the previous films’ formula so much.

A group of kids spend their last summer together before some go off to college. Yes they’re all irritating. No they don’t have personalities beyond their stereotype’s calling card. The group all go to the local carnival, where local idiot Colby tells the legend of the Fisherman. As the group of friends walk around the carnival, they’re attacked by a man with a hook in a slicker.

On of the friends, PJ, manages to get cornered by the Fisherman on the roof. He dives off, seemingly dead.

ONLY IT’S A PRANK, GUYS! And the five friends are all in on it. Hilarious! Only not so hilarious when they realise that the prank has gone wrong. Instead of landing on the stack of mattresses, PJ lands right on a pipe. Some sort of convoluted thinking leads the remaining four to all agree never to tell anyone about the prank! Even though it would obviously be ok. They wouldn’t get manslaughter or anything. They’re apparently all worried that the whole town will hate them but they hate the town so what does it even fucking matter!?

The film jumps to a year later. And we all know that means every one will be dead before the end of the week. Amber is our head girl. She receives the obligatory “I know what you did last summer” text, and runs around the gather up the gang. But the gang aren’t so chummy anymore. The death of their friend and their secret have come between them.

And then, you basically know how this is going to go. They all get picked off one-by-one in vaguely interesting ways. Leaving just the final girl and her boy. But in a kind of weird twist, the Fisherman is revealed to just be the Fisherman from the other movies. And he’s supernatural now – literally becoming the legend. So he’s Michael Myers level of invincible, which is such a bad choice.

The film is even lazy enough to wrap up the same way as the other films. A “oh god she’s not going to live” jump scare at the end. Definitely didn’t see that one coming…

Anyway, I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer is bad but at least it meets expectations. It’s more boring than anything. It tries so hard to find into the formula that it makes itself pretty much redundant. It also commits the usual sins – namely filling in those plot holes. Like why is the Fisherman in Colorado? There isn’t even a lake!

I won’t even bring poor Lois Duncan into this. But I can say I’m pretty happy to be reaching the end of this ‘Lois Duncan month’. It’s been terrible. Really terrible. 

On a different note. My favourite thing about this movie is probably the DVD cover. For one, it weirdly admits one of the main actors. Was he really that embarrassed that he didn’t want to be seen? There’s just some random chick instead. I assume she’s some girl who appears in the beginning of the film? Either way, she really serves no purpose in the film and really shouldn’t be on the cover.

And clearly, who ever did the photo editing really hated Torrey DeVitto. Poor girl. But at least she’s so unrecognizable that she can just keep claiming that she was never in this film to be begin with.