Wicked Wednesday

Wicked Wednesday: No Exit (20220

Book adaptions are tough. As an audience, it doesn’t matter how often we tell ourselves the two mediums are different: some bias will always remain. Oh and most of the audience doesn’t care about how stories have to be told differently on page and screen. That’s probably ass, too.

I tried to reserve judgement when watching an adaptation of a book I like. It doesn’t always work. But what about an adaptation of a book you perhaps didn’t like.

No Exit was a book I tried reading in early 2021. It had everything I love: a locked-room mystery, a snowy local… But the book just didn’t work for me. There was a point about halfway through the book that I gave up, flipped through the rest of the book and learned the ending. I know, I know. I’m the worst kind of human.

When I saw there was a (rather quietly released) film adaptation out, I was still intrigued. Even more, I had friends recommend it to me.

But in faithful adaptions, this one was a little too faithful for me. Because it was at the same point in the book and film that I checked out.

Darby is an addict in rehab. When she gets the call that her mother has had an aneurysm, she breaks out and steals a car. On her way to the hospital in Salt Lake City, a storm strands her in the mountains.

A police officer directs her to stay at a visitors’ center, where a group of people are waiting out the storm. There she finds two young men and a couple. Things seem boring and mundane until Darby goes out to try and get a phone signal. While roaming in the storm, she hears the screams of a girl. She finds the child in the back of the van and must free the girl.

The reveal of “who” kidnapped the girl arrives very early. The film is very good at building suspense, but it’s spent very quickly. The ending trudges along in a series of events that increasingly gets more tiresome.

That being said, it has great performances, particularly by the lead Havana Rose Lui. Also love seeing Dale Dickey and Dennis Haysbert in anything. The film looks great and the setting is really well utilised here.

If you want a horror thriller to fill two hours of your time, No Exit isn’t a bad way to spend it.

So the moral of the story is: if you didn’t like the book, you’ll probably not like the movie either.

Wicked Wednesday: Bunnicula the Vampire Rabbit (1982)

When I was a kiddo, I was obsessed with the covers of books from series like Bailey School Kids and, of course, the Scary Stories books by Alvin Schwartz. I wasn’t much of a reader, but I loved a book illustration that allowed me to imagine the stories inside. Yes, it is ironic that my day job consists entirely of me reading children’s books.

One series that always grabbed my attention was Bunnicula by James and Deborah Howe. The first in the series being published following Deborah’s death.

It wasn’t until I was in my adult years that I read Bunnicula: A Rabbit-Tale of Mystery. Even without the glasses of nostalgia, this series holds up as an adorable gateway horror read. And, of course, when I learned of the TV special adaption, I had to watch it.

It’s not the most faithful adaption, but it still remains very cute. Chester the cat and Harold the dog live with a very nice nuclear family, the Monroes. One day, Mr Monroe loses his job when there’s yet another accident at the factory he’s employed at. In fact, the entire factory is shut down by the owner. Why no one bothers to ask OSHA for advice or something isn’t totally clear.

The family, who is waiting for him, learn of the closing. But before they can get too upset, they discover a bunny in a box by a tree. The bunny has a note with him, written in Romanian. Unfortunately, the Monroes aren’t worldly enough to know a lick of Romanian, but they can make out the name “Bunnicula”. Howard the dog, however, is able to read the note and reads, “Take care of my baby.” (So threatening!)

Soon after Bunnicula is at the Monroes’ home, things begin to get strange. The vegetables are all white and drained of their juice. Chester is certain that it’s Bunnicula, as Chester knows a lot about vampires. (He spends his days reading, as all cats do.)

They agree to take turns watching Bunnicula at night, but when it’s Chester’s turn, he fails big time and the bunny escapes. They head off to search for the rabbit. But during the search, Chester sets off a neighbour’s boobytrap. When the humans find vegetables with little rabbit tracks, they know Bunnicula is the culprit.

It’s up to Chester and Howard to find Bunnicula first and keep him safe from the mob. Oh and somehow save the factory in the meantime.

Short, sweet and to the point, Bunnicula is a fun special. Bunnicula in particular is adorable, but the animators made both Howard and Chester great characters. The humans I could do without, but that’s probably not an issue specific to this special. You can watch it on YouTube (with commercials!) on the Museum of Classic Chicago Television’s YouTube channel. They’re raising money to help with transfers and preservation at the moment.

Being made in 1982, the animation has a wonderful vintage feel. The company that made the special, Ruby-Spears, is the one behind the animated segments in Child’s Play. Which is a nice horror link, if you ask me. I would have loved to see more horror nods, but I think for a 30-minute special, this does all you can really hope for.

Wicked Wednesday: Spellcaster (1988)

On paper, Spellcaster has to be the most 80s movie ever to be released in the 90s. (Unsurprisingly, the film started production in ’86.) A spellcasting demon named Diablo controls the lives of a group of young adults who arrive at an Italian castle to participate in a competition run by a MTV-style music channel. The woman from the “Take on Me” video plays an alcoholic pop star. DJ Richard Blade is also here. Adam Ant (yes) plays the demon.

That, of course, means it’s that 80s kind of wild that only could have been pulled off in that decade. What I’m trying to say is: this movie was made for me!

Down-on-their-luck siblings Tom and Jackie are struggling for money after the death of their parents. They enter in a lottery to win a spot in a TV competition. Not only does one of them earn a place, but they both earn spots. What a stroke of luck!

The kids arrive in Italy where their fellow competitors wait. It’s a selection of the greatest hits of stereotypes. The Italian is a sex pest. The French girl is a sex pest. The American is a sex–uh. I guess they all have something in common, which must be nice for them.

They’re informed by the VJ and face of the show, Rex (Blade), that the competition involves looking for a cheque for $1,000,000. Whoever finds it first gets to keep the money. The cheque is hidden somewhere in the vast castle, and the camera will be following them while they search. Additionally, the competition is sponsored by the successful popstar Casandra Castle.

That night, the competitors get a head start before the official “go”. One of them gets consumed by a demon chair, not to be seen again. Meanwhile, Rex and Cassandra strike a deal together. Cassandra suggests hiding the cheque on her person. No one will find it, meaning no one wins the money. The two agree to split the money after the competition ends.

But when the competition gets off to its official start, competitors start to get attacked. The cheque is blown off of Cassandra’s person and lands temptingly in front of various competitors, who meet their various, odd fates (including someone being turned into a pig!).

Our daring siblings remain the only two to not meet their demise. When Jackie finds a mysterious room with a crystal ball, she comes face-to-face with the castle owner and spellcaster himself Adam Ant Diablo! Will she succeed in defeating him and win the money?

Well, yes, because it’s the 80s.

This movie seems to exist only to provide fun facts:

  • The castle will look familiar to Full Moon fans. It’s another one filmed in his 12-century castle. It was also used in Castle Freak. Gotta love that Roger Corman spirit.
  • Cinematographer Sergio Salvati will be known to fans of Italian horror/gialli through his work with Lucio Fulci.
  • Actress and model Bunty Bailey appeared in not just one, but two a-ha music videos and one for Billy Idol.
  • Adam Ant was a gorgeous BABE, and I will always love him.

It definitely isn’t the most cheesy of movies. There could have been more story or cutting down of certain scenes. These things hinder it from being an out-an-out blast. But it’s so charming in its own weird way that it’s well worth checking out.

Have I mentioned Adama Ant yet? Let’s talk about him again. My friends and I were obsessed with him as kids. And this movie reminded me why. I mean…what a dreamboat. If he asked me to sell my soul to him, I would without a second’s hesitation! The biggest flaw of his film is that he doesn’t show up until the last 10 minutes. It would have been fun to see him playing with the people throughout the story. But perhaps the scenes/budget wasn’t there.

If you like these one-by-one fantasy slashers, Spellcaster has plenty of charisma to make it worth the watch. And if anything, you need to stick around for that ending just to see Adam.

Hubba hubba.

Wicked Wednesday: Rocktober Blood (1984)

Like a fool, I’d been saving watching this movie for Halloween. Rocktober = October = Halloween, right? Well. Instead of my fun holiday romp, it turns out that Rocktober Blood has nothing to do with All Hallows’ Eve and everything to do with heavy metal, evil twins and poor attempts at being Phantom of the Paradise.

Most of the cast in the film was made up of the band Sorcery. While not the main cast, they do hang around quite a bit. Though it is difficult to tell seeing as the movie was light with about three lightbulbs.

Billy “Eye” Harper is the lead singer for a successful metal band. During a late-night recording session, he and the rest of the band leave. Only girlfriend and backup singer Lynn remains behind to do further recording with the engineer Kevin and another assistant.

Lynn leaves to go into the jacuzzi. While she’s away Kevin and the assistant are both murdered by Billy. Or are they???

Lynn is confronted by who she assumes is Billy, who attempts to kill her. A security guard manages to intervene. But two years later, Billy is dead, having been executed for the crimes. He maintained his innocence up until his death, confusing Lynn, who was certain she’d been threatened by him.

With Billy out of the way, Lynn becomes the lead singer of the band, who rebrands themselves as Headmistress. As their “Rocktober Blood” tour looms, Lynn is certain that she is being haunted by Billy. Unsurprisingly, no one believes her.

Her friends even go so far as to help her dig up Billy’s coffin. Inside, they find his decomposing corpse. But Lynn maintains that he is alive as she gets continually harrassed by who she thinks is Billy.

On the night of the tour’s first show, it’s revealed that Lynn has been wrong all along. Billy is dead. Silly woman. It’s not Billy harassing her, but Billy’s EVIL TWIN BROTHER! John Harper is the talent of the twins, having written all the music that Billy took credit for. How better to exact revenge than to kill literally everyone. (No, this does not make sense to me.)

The last scene of the film is quite clearly an attempt at an homage to the Beef and the Undeads concert scene in Phantom. But, you know, done on a budget of about $50. There are fake deaths, electrocution by guitar and glam rock-inspired makeup. John appears on stage, which should be a pretty big reveal. I mean, even if you didn’t know about this evil twin business, it looks like a dead guy is parading around on stage. Somehow the band seems pretty unphased by this, even when Lynn is getting manhandled and handcuffed by him. Everyone keeps playing!

And poor John ends up dead. Or is he?

I love metal music. Particularly hair metal. It’s the white trash Wisconsinite in me. If Poison comes on, I must worship. Though I have to admit, I had never heard of Sorcery before. They seem like a pretty great band, as the soundtrack is probably the best part of the film.

Lynn’s voice was provided by Susie Rose Major, who has a set of great pipes. It would have probably been more impactful, though, if we had heard “Rainbow Eyes” only at the end and not constantly (and I mean constantly) throughout.

Rocktober Blood is a low-budget affair that’s pretty rough around the edges when it comes to production value. It’s also padded up to high heaven and has nothing to do with Halloween OR October. But all that said, can you really resist a movie that combines 80s metal music, evil twins, and homages to one of the greatest movies ever made? Well, maybe. Maybe just watch Phantom of the Paradise instead.

Wicked Wednesday: Fiend (1980)

I love and appreciate regional horror. These movies, which are not made in Hollywood, are often filled with local character and crew. Think the Bill Rebanes and George A Romeros of the world.

Fiend very much fits into that mould. Director, writer and star Don Dohler is obviously from (and clearly loves) Maryland. There are plenty of title cards to let us know where in Maryland we are. All the radio news announcements keep mentioning places in Maryland. I learned more about Maryland from this movie than I did when we studied in the 50 states in 5th grade.

The premise is very straight-forward: an alien entity lands on earth and resurrects the body of a music teacher Eric Longfellow. He rises from his grave and needs to suck the life out of people in order to survive.

He moves into (and by moves, I mean just takes down the “for sale” sign) a home in a Maryland suburb. With his arrival, murders – all in the same fashion – begin to be reported in the area. And Longfellow’s neighbour macho Gary Kender is very suspicious.

For one, the guy plays music. For a living! And second, he was home the day a young child was murdered. So he must have seen something – no matter what he’s told the police.

The logic is not very sound, but neither is Gary Kender’s head, to be fair. But of course he’s right anyway. Even if he isn’t the best of heroes to root for.

There are plenty of rituals, stranglings, odd characters and synth music to fill the 90 minute running time.

Fiend is definitely a small movie with a small budget. But there is plenty to really like about it. It’s full of quirks, like the red glow that surrounds Longfellow when he gets murdered. There are even a couple of plot holes thrown in for fun. Though it’s also got a consistent atmosphere that helps it be a successful film. It’s maybe not the best film technically but it’s clearly been made with a lot of heart and enthusiasm.

Regional horror is pretty much dead these days, but it’s nice to revisit works from people as passionate about their corner of the world as Dohler clearly was.

WICKED WEDNESDAY: 100 HORROR MOVIES IN 92 DAYS 2022, WRAP-UP #2

Happy October! How we’re already into the third month of the 100 Horror Movies in 92 Days challenge beats me. Why does the best time of the year always have to go by faster than anyone wants it to?

We’ve got less than a month to go and closing in on the goal. Hitting 100 is pretty manageable…unless my soul completely does before the 31st. I have watched some really great films this month and some incredibly bad ones. By about September 15, I began to lose the will to live and started questioning my sanity again. What would it be like to watch an action flick or even a rom-com instead of a horror film? The little moments I have between films have been filled with the trashiest of reality TV.

But “Krista,” you ask, “Why are you still doing this if all you do is complain about it?” Well, reader, that’s because I love to torment myself and complain. That’s why.

Jokes. (Mostly.) It has been a fun exercise that has pushed me to try out some films I’ve put off for ages and try more from other countries.

If you haven’t seen last month‘s update, please do. Feel free to follow me over at Letterboxd to see my ratings (and rare attempts at writing reviews.

#38-78

38 Night of the Lepus (1972) dir. by William F. Claxton

39 X (2022) dir. by Ti West

40 Demon City Shinjuku (1988) dir. by Yoshiaki Kawajiri

41 The Vampire Doll (1970) dir. by Michio Yamamoto

42 Nope (2022) dir. by Jordan Peele

43 The Whip and the Body (1963) dir. by Mario Bava

44 Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957) dir. by Roger Corman

45 We’re All Going to the World’s Fair (2021) dir. by Jane Schoenbrun

46 Choose or Die (2022) dir. by Toby Meakins

Bad things always happen when British filmmakers with all British casts make movies in Britain all pretending to be Americans in America.

47 The Addams Family (2019) dir. by Conrad Vernon, Greg Tiernan

48 V/H/S/94 (2021) dir. by Simon Barrett Timo Tjahjanto, Jennifer Reeder, Ryan Prows, Chloe Okuno

HAIL RAATMA!

49 Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell (1995) dir. by Shinichi Fukazawa

50 The Black Cat (Black Cat: Gatto nero) (1981) dir. by Lucio Fulci

51 The Blackwell Ghost (2017) dir. by Turner Clay

52 The Invitation (2015) dir. by Karyn Kusama

53 The Premature Burial (1962) dir. by Roger Corman

54 Graduation Day (1981) dir. by Herb Freed

55 Curse of the Blair Witch (1999) dir. by Daniel Myrick, Eduardo Sánchez

56 The Devil Below (2021) dir. by Bradley Parker

57 Vicious Fun (2020) dir. by Cody Calahan

58 The Old Dark House (1963) dir. by William Castle

59 The Strangers (2008) dir. by Bryan Bertino

60 Castle Freak (1995) dir. by Stuart Gordon

61 One Dark Night (1982) dir. by Tom McLoughlin

62 Shock (1946) dir. by Alfred L. Werker

63 The Brood (1979) dir. by David Cronenberg

64 The Living Ghost (1942) dir. by William Beaudine

65 Screamplay (1985) dir. by Rufus Butler Seder

66 The Pyramid (2014) dir. by Grégory Levasseur

67 Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998) dir. by Steve Miner

68 The Stuff (1985) dir. by Larry Cohen

69 Lake of Dracula (1971) dir. by Michio Yamamoto

70 The Terror? (1963) dir. by Roger Corman (credited), Francis Ford Coppola, Dennis Jakob, Monte Hellman, Jack Hill, Jack Nicholson (all uncredited)

71 The Wailing (2016) dir. by Na Hong-jin

72 Satan’s Black Wedding (1976) dir. by Nick Millard

73 The Woman in Black (2012) dir. by James Watkins

This was okay, but you HAVE to see the stage production if you are ever in London. Turns out rocking chairs that move on their own are a lot creepier if you’re in the same room as it.

74 The House on Tombstone Hill (1989) dir. by James Riffel

75 The Giant Gila Monster (1959) dir. Ray Kellogg

76 Def by Temptation (1990) dir. by James Bond III

77 My Bloody Valentine (1981) dir. by George Mihalka

78 My Best Friend’s Exorcism (2022) dir. by Damon Thomas

Cute, but as they say: the book is always better.

Wicked Wednesday: The Dead Come Home (1989)

The Dead Come Home aka Dead Dudes in the Hosue aka House on Tombstone Hill is a pretty standard post-Evil Dead slasher in many ways. Kids arrive at a haunted house, they meet supernatural foes, and then they die. It’s a beautiful formula that works.

And yet, there’s still something that makes it a bit special. There are echoes of Troma’s own Mother’s Day throughout, namely in its villain, an elderly woman. Only this one is dead! But there are also some brilliant practical effect death scenes that make this worth watching.

In a massive home in the countryside, a woman and her daughter spend some time over the corpse of a man on their floor. Forty years later, a group of young people arrive at the house. Mark, the house’s new owner, got it for a steal. In his words, “practically given away.” Maybe it was the 80s, but man – if it’s too good to be true…

After arriving, the kids have a look around. One of them disturbs the grave buried out back, severely pissing off the ghosties within the house.

The kids get to work, but soon after entering the house, they see an older woman. She doesn’t talk to them, but Mark goes to follow her when she shuffles away. And poor Mark, bless, is dead within the first fifteen minutes of run time. The home-owner dream was just not meant to last.

When Mark’s girlfriend goes to look for him, she discovers that he is very much dead, but still running around and being rude. The friends all try and escape the house, only to discover that they can’t get out. Granny and her daughter begin picking them off one-by-one in a pretty fun fashion.

Sure. The plot doesn’t really get more developed than that. But the makers of Dead Dudes in the House were obviously not here to tell a tale with characters we care about. They were here for the blood and gore. And they delivered!

I love a horror movie with too many names. And this one changes depending on the home video release. I have a personal affinity towards Troma’s choice of Dead Dudes in the House. There’s a group of boys (clearly in the early 90s) that don’t even feature in the film. Even Lloyd Kaufman’s description of the film in his book All I Need To Know About Filmmaking I Learned from the Toxic Avenger isn’t entirely accurate but makes a nod to the unusual cover. “A group of hip-hop teens inhabit a house possessed by the spirits of a murdering, maniacal matriarch and her sexy daughter.”

Hip hop teens? Not here. But I would pay to see that movie too.

Wicked Wednesday: Screamplay (1985)

Troma has a reputation for being, as some would think, “a bit much.” It’s literally in their slogan as a badge of pride (“40 years of Disrupting Media”).

But beyond their shock tactics, the distributor has released some of the oddest independent films and sniffed out promising talents like Trey Parker and James Gunn. One of the most daring films is 1985’s Screamplay, a horror story set in Hollywood if Hollywood had been thrown up on by Robert Wiene.

Aspiring screenwriter Edgar Allan is fresh off the boat bus in Hollywood. All the naive young man has on him is his typewriter. He finds his way to a diner and meets Al, an agent interested in Edgar’s work.

Shortly after, Edgar is assaulted in a bathroom, but is saved when another man kills the assailant. Edgar’s savour is Martin, a landlord who agrees to put Edgar up in a storage closet in exchange for some custodial work. But at the crime scene is a page of Edgar’s screenplay, which makes the police suspicious.

At the apartments is an eclectic selection of characters: a fading actress, a rocker. And Edgar dreams about killing all of them while writing his screenplay! When the deaths in his screenplay are seemingly coming true, Edgar becomes the police’s main target.

Director, star and writer Rufus Butler Seder only ever made this one feature film. You can’t help but wonder if Hollywood did the same thing as what happened to Edgar or if any attempts to “make it” inspired Screamplay. Thankfully, Seder has had a great career publishing children’s books, so the man got to put his excellent eye to use in other ways.

Seder created a film with some incredible-looking scenes. It’s clearly inspired by expressionists, using stark black and white images with very set-y-looking sets. (Someone – get me a job in writing!)

This story reminded me a lot of the film Fade to Black, but I had a lot more fun with Screamplay. And stylistically, it’s much more interesting to look at. But I don’t think you can ever have too many “crazy in Hollywood” stories, honestly.

Wicked Wednesday: Blood Feast (1963)

Last week, I dipped my little toes into Herschell Gordon Lewis’s bucket of blood with Color Me Blood Red. Sure it wasn’t a masterpiece, but it got me curious enough to want more. And where better to start than where the blood all started flowing?

Blood Feast is possibly one of Lewis’s best-known films (The Wizard of Gore probably takes the top spot thanks to Juno). It’s also considered one of the first splatter films, meaning plenty of blood and gore to fill your screens.

Even by today’s standards, Blood Feast has plenty of shocking and graphic moments. The opening scene sees a woman getting attacked while in the bath, her legs hacked off by our killer. This is only three years after Psycho shocked the world with its slaying of Janet Leigh in the shower.

The killer, we later learn, is Fuad Ramses, the owner of a catering company that specialises in “exotic” food. He’s approached one day to cater a birthday party for Suzette Fremont, a young student with a particular interest in Egyptian culture.

Incidentally, Ramses is a loyal follower of the goddess Ishtar. He slays women for their body parts in order to create a blood feast – one that he believes will cause Ishtar to be reincarnated.

The police are stumped by Ramses for the most part. The killer never leaves a single clue behind. Why Ramses is so good at getting away with murder is never really explained. Most of the film doesn’t really convince you that he’s particularly clever or tricky!

It isn’t until one victim is found alive. Despite having most of her face hacked off, she’s able to utter a few words to the detectives including “Itar”.

One detective, incidentally Suzette’s beau, finally puts together that “itar” means Ishtar. Thanks to some sleuthing, the detective is able to link Ramses to the killings. And never fear, our darling blonde Suzette is saved before she can be sacrificed at the birthday buffet.

Okay. It’s a bit heavy-handed. I imagine clever writing and story-telling wasn’t at the forefront of Lewis’s mind when he created this movie. Though I really appreciate that a woman, Allison Louise Downe, gets a screenplay credit for this.

I can’t say that I enjoyed this movie. The acting is some of the worst I’ve ever seen – it’s more wooden than an Amish table. It kind of trots along at a meandering pace – even at 67 minutes. Many things stop it from reaching “so bad it’s good” levels. But it’s difficult not to appreciate what influence this movie has had on the horror genre. A movie doesn’t need to be “good” by conventional standards to be worth watching.

So I sault you, Herschell Gordon Lewis. You got vibrant red blood to paint our screens with. It’s certainly a step up from that chocolate syrup.

Wicked Wednesday: Color Me Blood Red (1965)

I have a lot of horror blind spots, and one of them is Herschell Gordon Lewis. The “godfather of gore” somehow has continued to evade me. Bar Monster a Go-Go (which Lewis was an uncredited director on), the splatter horror movies never made it onto my screen. Until now, obviously.

Color Me Blood Red is the third film in Lewis’s “Blood Trilogy”. And would I start with the first one produced? No! Because I never do things in the correct way, apparently.

The story centres on struggling artist Adam Sorg, who hasn’t painted a thing in months. His biggest setback? Being unable to find the perfect shade of red for his paintings. When he goes to a gallery, he gets into it with one of the critics, leaving him even more determined to prove himself.

His inspiration comes from an unlikely place. After his girlfriend, Gigi, cuts herself on a nail, he falls in love with the shade of her blood. He begs for more of it, but she resists when he becomes too aggressive with her. He tries using his own blood, but finds that it makes him too weak to actually paint.

During an argument, Sorg kills Gigi. With her dead, he’s able to paint with her blood all he wants. What he creates is a grotesque masterpiece. He shows it off to the critic from the gallery, and it catches the attention of the wealthy Mrs Carter. Despite being offered a hefty sum of $15,000 for the painting, Sorg refuses to sell.

Knowing that he must have blood to create great works, Sorg finds new victims whose blood will fill his pallet.

When Mrs Carter’s daughter, April, goes to the beach she meets Sorg. Having heard about him from her mother, April naively trusts him. He invites her to sit for a painting, which he will give to her for free. April is hesitant and leaves, but she returns later that night.

April’s friends, also at the beach, soon discover Gigi’s corpse in the sand. They have to move fast before April becomes another victim of Sorg’s art.

Color Me Blood Red is supposedly the weakest of the three films. As someone who started at the end and not the beginning, I can’t have an opinion. However, I found this movie pretty interesting for what it was. The story doesn’t move mountains, but it’s entertaining enough.

The sound, however, suffers greatly. Many of the characters use these hdyrocycles. And they are SO LOUD. Not only are they loud, but they make a truly disgusting sound on the mic. I will die happy if I never have to hear it again.

There are quirks to this movie to stop it from being such a straightforward bore. I really liked April’s couple friends, who are fans of dressing like twins and doing stupid shit. They sort of set themselves apart from most of the rest of the cast, who are quite interchangeable and forgettable.

If this is as bad as it gets for Herschell Gordon Lewis, I look forward to things going up from here!