Wicked Wednesday

Wicked Wednesday: Are You Afraid of the Dark? S3E6 “The Tale of the Bookish Baby-Sitter”

Are You Afraid of the Dark is like balm for the soul. It’s always pure pleasure, even if it isn’t one of the more iconic episodes.

I sat infront of the TV this week and let episode after episode play. Season 3 really has some classics. But “The Tale of the Bookish Baby-Sitter” was one I had never seen before.

This episode features one of Betty Ann’s stories. As always, it’s full of fantasy and healthy doses of the supernatural. Her story this week is a story about stories.

Ricky is a 12-year-old pain-in-the-ass. He’s a brat that’s addicted to the television. When his mom prepares to go out one night, she tells him that he’s going to have a baby-sitter. He argues that he’s too told for one (I agree), but nevertheless, his baby sitter Belinda arrives.

Belinda comes off as a ~free spirit~, mystifying Ricky’s mother when she answers the door. Belinda is a new age sort of girl who wears a cloak unironically and forces children to read books. But as she’s highly recommended, Ricky’s mom leaves with a shrug.

It isn’t long before Ricky and Belinda clash. After she turns off the TV, she tells him he can do whatever he wants…so long as he reads 5 minutes of her book. Aloud.

But even five minutes is too long for Ricky. He immediately puts down the book, only to open it again and start reading another one. After that, he tosses the book aside to play video games in his room.

While minding his own business, Ricky is attacked by a knight in armour. Then a ghost. He soon finds ‘Belinda’ who encourages him to burn pages of the book. He does so eagerly, only to discover that ‘Belinda’ is really a witch, and the real Belinda is trying to save him.

The two kids manage to get away to the kitchen. There Belinda explains to him what’s going on. Ase he never finished any of his stories, they’ve all become mixed together. Burning the pages didn’t exactly help either. So to end the nightmare, he must finish the stories with his own imagination.

But a kid like Ricky has no imagination. Or so he thinks. He makes weak attempts at story telling while he and the baby-sitter are chased around the house. Eventually, Belinda hands him a red book. When he opens it, he finds himself in a dungeon…inside the story.

It’s up to Ricky to find it within himself to make up a story and save himself.

There are some Midnight Society tales that are more whimiscal than scary. This almost sounds like a story I’d want to be in. Maybe not being attacked by knights with axes, but I think I could have a fun time getting sucked into books. I actually enjoyed Betty Ann’s cute little joke with her book prop at the end. Imagine having the actual patience to make a prop just to mess with someone for two seconds?

Anyway. As always, I still think this show mostly holds up. Episodes like this might not be scary by today’s standards, but they still manage to capture the imagination. And perhaps it’s even a good cautionary tale for the recluctant reader in your life…

Wicked Wednesday: Black Sabbath (I tre volti della paura) (1963)

I…am a doofus. Though, I have never proclaimed to be anything but. For many (too many) years, I thought Black Sunday and Black Sabbath were the same movie. Could I tell that they had different titles? Probably. Did that matter in my brain? Absolutely not.

So for years, I had convinced myself that I had already seen Black Sabbath because of how many times I had seen Black Sunday. It wasn’t until a few months ago that I realised the error I had made.

…at least they’re both directed by Mario Bava?

Anyway. In many respects, this was a happy mistake. Because this week, I got to watch the masterpiece that is Black Sabbath for the very first time ever.

Black Sabbath is a anthology film, very reminiscent of Roger Corman’s Tales of Terror that was released a year prior in 1963. But Bava’s film has both better pace, acting and style.

The three sections in this anthology are introduced by genre legened Boris Karloff. He weaves us in and out of worlds with vampires, ghosts and devious humans.

In tale one, “The Drop of Water”, nurse Helen is called to prepare the body of a medium. There she is warned not to touch anything belonging to the descased, as it may be cursed. Ignoring the warnings, Helen takes the sapphire ring she spots on the corpse’s finger. But when she gets home, Helen soon finds that she should never cross a woman who can make a good curse.

The medium’s corpse is absolutely inconic. She is terrifying to behold. And it’s easy to believe that Helen is being drawn into madness. This segment alone should be all it takes to deem the movie as excellent.

The second tale, “The Telephone”, is truly nightmare-inducing. One of my greatest fear is leering men (see my favourite horror film ever, Black Christmas). When Rosy gets a call from a strange man, she becomes unnerved. Especially since the man appears to be able to see her every move.

Rosy calls a friend for help. The friend, Mary, arrives soon after to assist her friend. Rosy reveals that the calls are coming from Frank, a man who was sent to prison on Rosy’s testimony. Mary does her best to ease her friend’s tension, but can they stand a chance against the supernatural?

This story was the most greatly changed from the Italian release (more on that later). So it’s difficult to be overly enthusastic. Much of this segment doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. We don’t know why Frank was sent away or why Rosy would be the cause of that. That being said, it is still enjoyable all the same.

The final segment sees Boris Karloff in an acting role. “The Wurdurlak” follows a family in the Russian countryside. Their father (Karloff) is off in the countryside slaying vampires. Before he departs, he tells them that there is one rule to follow: they must not let him in if he arrives after midnight of the third day.

When young Vladimir finds a beheaded body, he takes the knife from the corpse’s chest. When he stumbles upon a cottage, the family there recognise the knife as their father’s. Vladimir is invited to stay with them for the night as they nervously await their father’s return.

“The Wurdurlak” is a great lesson in: always listen to your dad always. Also – behead verything with a weird hole in its neck. This is the longest segment of the movie, and it feels like it too. The pacing is off and we never really get to attach ourselves to any of the characters too much beyond Karloff’s Gorca. That being said, it’s still a wonder to behold.

I love Bava’s earlier gialli. La ragazza che sapeva troppo and 6 donne per l’assassino are two of my favourites; they’re classics of the genre. While the former is in black and white, it’s clear that stylisticly, much of what is explored in Black Sabbath is used in Blood and Black Lace to great effect.

This has to be one of the most gorgeous movies I have ever seen. The three segments are all set in different times, helping to differenciate them. Easily the most lucious story visually is “The Drop of Water”, which is well worth returning to again and again. It’s a treat for the eyes, and there’s a wickedly good story there.

After I finished watching the movie, I realised I had seen the American released (the English dub should have been my first clue, but see first paragraph to remind you that I am not smart). This movie is one of the many examples where the American production company greatly interfered with the work to make it “appeal to American audiences”. Much was cut out, a new soundtrack made and processing the colours differently. Incidentally, the company, American International Pictures, was behind Corman’s Poe Cycle, so it’s clear to see why they feel so similar in many ways.

I’ve put Bava’s Italian release onto my to-watch list. The things I thought strage (the clear skips in violence, the plot holes, and almost garish soundtrack) are apparently not present in the Italian version. Now, just to hunt down the release…somewhere…at a reasonable price.

In general, I want to make this statement: for the love of all that is unholy – streaming services, please include all versions of a film to make them everything accessable to all. Keep dubbed versions. Give us the original languages. We just want it all.

Please and thank you.

Wicked Wednesday: The Demon Murder Case (1983)

Talk about going out with a fart. After a month of (relatively) fun TV movies, we reach the finish line at a crawl with The Demon Murder Case.

On the surface. This movie has all the right ingredients: true crime, supposed demon possessions, and Kevin Bacon. But what’s delivered in a confused and poorly-paced film that I wish I would have napped through.

Slight based on a true story, the movie opens with a young man, Kenny (Bacon), in a courtroom. What has he done? Well, whatever it is the Devil made him do it.

We then jump back to the time before Kenny’s crime. Young Brian is a nice kid, but has become possessed by a demon. His family try to help him by asking btoh the curch and a couple of demonologists (a fictionalised version of the Warrens) to intervene.

Though neither helps. Brian stays possessed. His family become increasingly frustrated, especially Kenny, who can’t seem to hold his temper. Kenny threatens the demon possessing Brian, ignoring the fact that the experts’ explicitly said not to do so.

Kenny is then possessed by the demon himself. While possessed, he becomes jealous of his girlfriend’s new boss – a man who needs help…grooming his dogs? During a party, the boss becomes drunk and harrassess Kenny’s girlfriend. Then “the demon” takes control and stabs the drunk man.

The police later arrest Kenny. The last act of the movie is Kenny’s trial. Honestly, it’s very boring.

The biggest issue I had with this movie was the pacing. For the first half of the film, we’re watching an Exorcist rip-off. Brian’s demon speaks through him using a gravely voice. He injures himself. He said TV-appropriately unappropriate things to his family.

We’re 30 minutes in when Brian’s exorcism begins. The build up is pretty quick. Then we have to forget about Brian (who, by the way, we have no idea if he’s still possessed) and begin focusing on this Kenny character. Kenny, bless Kevin Bacon, is an incredibly boring and unlikable character. The fact that he’s just suddenly possessed is weird.

The trial of Arne Cheyenne Johnson (the real murderer) is the subject of the third Conjuring film, which is (hopefully) being released this summer. It will be interesting to see how the story is tackled. Hopefully there is more focus. The issue with the story in The Demon Murder Case is that it is essentially two in one: Brian’s possession and Kenny’s trial (David Glatzel and Arne Cheyenne Johnson in the true tale). By including both, the typical climax, the exorcism, is too near the beginning. All the suspense is spent before the movie is even halfway over.

That being said, the first half of this movie can be visually interesting. At times it’s almost more ambitious than the usual TV move fare at the time. For some reason, these directoral decisions are discarded once Kenny becomes the main focus.

And I do think a story just about Kenny/Arne could be interesting. This is the first case in the US where demonic possession was part of the defence. As I mentioned before, I’m interested to see what happens with the story when it’s in more modern hands.

Wicked Wednesday: Satan’s School for Girls (2000)

When I first started Made-for-TV March, I was surprised at how many TV movies had modern remakes. They don’t exactly seem like the type of thing to be ripe for that. After watching 1973’s Satan’s School for Girls back in 2017, I spotted the 2000 remake and immediately blew it off. At that point, I didn’t want to touch anything made after 1990.

But after a few years of running this, I slowly began to get over my fear of more modern films. Though I vowed that wouldn’t watch the remake until I had forgotten most of the original.

Only… I maybe forgot a little too much. For one, I thought I had really liked the original. Though glancing through my original write up, I was apparently less-than-enthusiastic. And the plot? I had to reread the entire thing to jog any memories at all.

So watching 2000’s Satan’s School for Girls felt like being introduced to an entirely new story. And in many ways, I was.

In 2000’s remake, Beth goes to Fallbridge College for Girls when her sister’s death is deemed a suicide. Her one piece of evidence is a sympathy card from a group simply called “The Five”. She begins to look into the lives of the girls around her, suspicious particularly of the goths.

She soon learns that The Five were a group of women who all went on to become wildly successful. Senators, bankers and the like.

But Beth’s detective work is not as subtle as she thinks. All eyes at the school seem to be on her. And it’s not too long before she’s forced to call upon her own psychic powers to battle the witches at her school.

There’s a lot more emphasis on this story on the girls’ magic. It’s both a strength and weakness of the film. It’s fun watching some witchy fun, and the women here seem to have much more agency than in the 1973 version. But the special effects in the 2000 movie have dated terribly. Considering The Craft was made nearly four years earlier, there’s not really an excuse. That is unless they spent literally all their budget getting Shannon Doherty.

The remake does switch things up enough that it doesn’t always feel like you’re watching the same movie twice. The second half certainly veers away from the original source material more than the first. Much of the climax is longer and more dragged out than the original – which has an ending like a punch to the gut. The ending was easily the most memorable part of the original.

Breaking one of my rules, I took the time to read an original review in Variety after watching the film. What was interesting to me, is that the writer argued that there wasn’t a need for groups like The Five anymore. Women are plenty powerful without having to make a deal with Satan.

Honestly, I’d have to disagree with that point a lot. We see women still getting attacked and murdered just walking home. I would do anything to have more power in life just to protect myself and other women. And what about our trans sisters? When their existence is challenged every day, can we really say women are fine enough in the workplace?

If The Five weren’t so hellbent on killing other people off, I’d say that every woman should consider making a pact with the Devil.

Wicked Wednesday: When Michael Calls (1972)

Cell phones are both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, we never have to answer a call from an unknown number. On the other, we’ve lost a whole subgenre of horror: the creepy caller.

Sorry, Wrong Number, Black Christmas, and When a Stranger Calls are all in the same pot of creepy-caller movies. And When Michael Calls is a wonderful example of the subgenre within the TV movie world. It’s a slasher mystery filled with a wonderful autumnal ambience.

One day, Helen and her daughter, Peggy, receive a surprise visit from Helen’s ex-husband, Doremus. The separated couple, unsurprisingly, has a very strained relationship. But poor Helen’s day only gets worse when she gets a strange phone call.

On the other end of the line in a person with a child-like voice. The caller claims to be Michael, Helen’s nephew who died in a blizzard years before. She knows it’s him as he calls her “Auntie My Helen”, which apparently only he called her.

Shaken by the call, Helen speaks to Michael’s older psychiatrist brother, Craig. They agree that while strange, there’s nothing they can do about it.

Then one night, Peggy answers the phone. She tells her mother that ‘Michael’ called Doc, a family friend, bad names and insinuated something bad would happen to the doctor. Helen tries frantically to contact Doc, but by the time she gets through on the phone lines, Doc is already dead.

Doremus, who might be a lawyer, is seemingly also a good investigator. After the police sweep the scene of the crime, Doremus discovers that someone has tampered with Doc’s things.

And thus begins a series of murders. All of them link to one person: Michael and Craig’s mother. Helen admits to Doremus that when the boys were younger, she had her sister committed. Her sister tried to hurt herself and the boys, so she had to be put away for everyone’s safety. Apparently, Michael had a problem with that and didn’t want to be raised by his aunt. He had run away during the blizzard, upset at ‘losing’ his mother.

So who is the real Michael? Or is it that after all these years, Michael could still be alive? Helen and those around her begin to question their reality as the situation around them becomes more deadly.

When Michael Calls is a prime example of excellent made-for-TV magic. The cast is fantastic, boasting the talents of Michael Douglas, Elizabeth Ashley and Ben Gazzara.

Maybe I’ve seen too many gialli, but I found the twist easy to guess. That being said, it was still enjoyable watching the reveal. It might be a bit hokey for some, but I love a bit of (spoiler) hypnotism. Whacky and unbelievable as all hell – and it’s perfect television.

It’s likely that I might forget this one, as many other TV movies are a bit flashier. When Michael Calls is very atmospheric and is wonderful at building the mystery. But it is subtle at times. Still, this is a wonderful place to start. If only to watch a young Michael Douglas look very attractive in some wonderous 70s glasses.

Wicked Wednesday: Dark Mansions (1986)

It’s Made-For-TV March, everyone! Truly a month that I look forward to every year.

TV movies are brilliant for many reasons. But one reason in particular that I love these films is the dramatic flair. Soap-opera vibes, if you will. Thunder! Lightning! Unexplained powers! And is there anything soapier than Joan Fontaine as the matriarch of a wealthy family in a TV pilot described as “Dallas meets Dark Shadows”?

That question is rhetorical.

The Drake family are incredibly wealthy and own a successful shipyard (ship making?) business. As with any well-kept family, there are cracks in the facade. The brothers bicker. A couple of the cousins are in love. And one of them just happened to mysteriously fall to her death from a cliff…only for her look-a-like to appear months later.

Shellane Victor is the newest employee of the Drake family. She’s there to be Margaret Drake’s assistant and the family biographer. When she arrives at the house, the family all react to her strangely. Almost amazed at what they see.

But the attention is soon off her when the family patriarch, Margaret’s husband, dies while out on the boat with his sons in a storm. Though his niece Noelle had already seen this coming as she has the powers of premonition. (I think.)

Shellane slowly learns the secrets of the Drake family. Some are more confusing than others. One mystery grabs her attention the most. She learns about the death of Jason’s wife, Yvette, who died falling from a cliff. She’s first told it was a suicide. But maybe it wasn’t? She later hears that Yvette might have been pushed or maybe even slipped out of her husband’s own hands.

Stranger than all of that, Shellane discovers she shares a striking resemblance to the late Yvette.

There is plenty of other storylines going on here. Lots of people sleeping with other people. That cousin romance I mentioned. Drama about the father’s will. A little something for everyone.

Though unfortunately, this one is pretty light on the horror vibes (no vampires here), there is plenty of drama to go around. I particularly loved Lois Chiles as the dastardly, scheming wife of a Drake family son. She walked straight out of a scene in Rebecca and into the 80s. You could see how well this pilot was setting up for future misdeeds. It’s a shame we’ll never see them.

The setting for the story is wonderfully gothic: a pair of mansions. One by the seaside cliffs, sitting abandoned. The other an exact replica, almost a ghost of the other. Throw that in with a wicked family and you have TV movie magic.

I’m not really sure what the point of this story was beyond the mystery of Yvette’s death (which is secondary, really). The point of the pilot was clearly meant to tempt viewers to continue watching in the future, not resolve any storylines. Frankly, that doesn’t matter too much when you get to see scene after scene of drama and gorgeous mansions.

Wicked Wednesday: Danger Word (2013)

Danger Word” is a short film based on horror authors Steven Barnes and Tananarive Due’s novel “Devil’s Wake”. A short story version appears in a collection of Due’s work Ghost Summer: Stories, but more on that next week.

I became a fan of Due’s when I first watched the Shudder documentary Horror Noire: A History of Black Horror. It took me forever to get around to reading one of her books, but I was absolutely chuffed when I learnt that she and her partner were involved with other screenwriting ventures.

The short, directed by Luchina Fisher, follows 13-year-old Kendra (Saoirse Scott) and her Grandpa Joe (Frankie Faison) as they traverse the rugged landscapes of a zombie apocalypse.

Grandpa Joe tries his best to toughen up the young Kendra, whose innocence was taken from her early due to things outside of their control. She had become particularly hardened after seeing the transformation of her mother into the undead.

After shooting practice, Grandpa Joe and Kendra go to see Mike and his sons, who they are hoping to trade with. But it doesn’t take long until both notice that something isn’t quite right. Unfortunately, they are both too late and Grandpa Joe is bit by Mike. He tells Kendra to go north to Albany where she can get help.

Kendra eventually has to kill her grandfather, but leave him with dignity – and leaving the viewer knowing that everything he taught her will not go to waste.

It’s pretty impressive that within 20 minutes, you can establish such a strong relationship between two characters. The ending had me in tears and desperate to know what happened next to young Kendra. It’s a harrowing story of a little girl forced to grow up much faster than she should have to. But that reflects the reality of many children, with or without the apocalypse.

Some of the editing here is a bit confusing. I had to rewatch a bit when I couldn’t understand why Kendra had returned to the farm to kill her grandpa. At first, I thought I had missed a scene, but I think it was the girl reassessing leaving her grandfather to become a zombie. It was subtle, almost a little too subtle.

This short is quite a bit older than the rest of the films I’ve watched this year for Women in Horror Month, and I think you can tell. The cinematography isn’t the greatest. But that being said, it still managed to tell a powerful story in the framework of a traditional zombie tale.

You can watch “Danger World” on the director’s YouTube page. It’s a beautiful and creepy story full of wonderful Black talent.

Wicked Wednesday: Satanic Panic (2019)

Would you look at that? It’s February. Again. I’m pretty sure it’s been a week since it was February last.

In the blink of an eye, we’ve reached Women in Horror Month. A time to celebrate creatives in horror industries.

I’ve been putting off watching Satanic Panic just for the sole purpose to watch it this February. And boy, that’s an awfully long time to build up anticipation.

This 2019 movie, directed by Chelsea Stardust, was co-written by one of my favourite authors – Grady Hendrix. There are all the hallmarks of a Hendrix story here: great female characters in charge, lots of gore, and a heck of a great villain.

Sam is a young woman starting her first day as a pizza delivery girl. And it’s a rough first day in the service industry. After being shortchanged all day, Sam volunteers to make a delivery to a wealthy side of town, hoping for a great tip.

After arriving at a mansion, Sam delivers her pizza. But instead of getting the great tip she hoped for, she gets nothing but an empty take of gas. Stranded, Sam decides to go into the mansion to get her rightfully-deserved tip. Though instead of getting that tip, she gets dragged into a Satanic ritual.

As a virgin, Sam is the ideal replacement for Judi, the daughter of coven leader Danica, who lost her virginity in hopes of saving her life. The two girls team up together, hoping to escape the Satanists. The results are both disgusting and hilarious.

Sam’s fight against the wealthy Satanists is very Eat the Rich, which is a trope I love. There are some solid moments of sisterhood in this between Sam and Judi. I wish it could have been explored and developed more, particularly in the last act. I mean, nothing brings friends together like escaping a demon-raising coven.

I loved that this film had women calling all the shots. It’s a refreshing power dynamic to watch. Sure they’re all trying to kill each other, but hey – better than a man doing it, right?

While I did enjoy Satanic Panic quite a bit, I don’t really think it does much to create a lasting impression. There are moments that will make you laugh and moments that will make you squeamish. But the ending doesn’t quite stick as much as I’m sure it hoped to. Though I’d recommend this for the enjoyment of watching Rebecca Romijn as queen Satanist alone.

Do remember that February is also Black History Month in the US (it’s in October here in the UK). So please practice intersectional feminism this month. Particularly uplift Black creators. I’ll be reading Tananarive Due’s short story collection, Ghost Summer as well as watching as many horror movies/short films as possible made by Black women. I have both Eve’s Bayou and Afterbirth on my list. Please send more suggestions!

I do agree with calls to move WiHM to another month of the year. This isn’t a new issue, but one that was obviously there since the initiative inception. Twelve years is a long time to be blind.

Wicked Wednesday: Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare (1987)

After finishing my viewing of Uninvited last week, I told my husband that there was no way I’d be able to top that delightful film. But by pure chance, I randomly chose the majestic greatness that is Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare. And the mission was accomplished.

A few months back, I watched the 80s satanic panic film Black Roses directed by John Fasano. It was a pretty fun movie. Demonic metal bands? What more could you want? But turns out Fasano helmed an even more crazy (and wonderful) film.

Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare (titled The Edge of Hell here in the UK) is a perfect storm of bad movie tropes: puppets made at a child’s craft time, a lead actor who is both a bodybuilding champion AND a heavy metal singer, great cheesy songs, questionable fake accents, wild twists that make no sense, and lots and lots of man butt. Everything you could ask for.

When metal band Triton and their partners arrive at a Canadian farmhouse in the countryside, they’re less than impressed with that they find. But their manager is insistent that it’s the perfect place to practice and prepare for their next album. It’s the seclusion they need for creativity.

Triton seem to at the farm for a few minutes before they start getting killed off by demons. Some are baby cyclopses others are in the form of ladies who have the special ability to grow a mouthful of fangs. Plus a demon in the oven!

Eventually (spoiler), only lead singer John is left. He’s seemingly the only person immune to the demon’s tricks. But he’s forced to acknowledge it when it appears in its true form of Beelzebub in front of him. But – what’s that? John is INTERCESSORRRRRR! – an archangel. Finally facing each other, a final battle between good and evil ensues.

Oh, and second plot twist: John’s bandmates were just visions of people. Because why not? You’d think demons would be able to tell the difference, but I guess I never thought to ask one.

This movie tickled me so much. No, this is not a well-made movie. The plot is fairly nonsensical and was seemingly written in a stream of conciseness. But it is wildly entertaining and great for a laugh. It might have one of the best ending fight scenes ever for a movie that I wasn’t expecting should have an ending fight scene. This is the type of movie that I will be telling everyone to watch.

In fact, I was so taken with this movie that I immediately watched the documentary I am Thor, which follows actor/bodybuilder/screenwriter/musician/cult hero Jon Milk Thor’s comeback in the mid-2010s. Admittedly, I thought the documentary lost steam about halfway through, but it was fascinating to learn about this magnetic frontman.

Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare was such a bright spot this week. If you adore cheesy movies, you must watch (or rewatch) it soon.

Wicked Wednesday: Uninvited (1987)

Is there anything more majestic than what a B-movie really just leans into its gimmick? Sometimes low-budget films almost act embarrassed of what they are. They’re boring. What we need are more movies that are enthusiastic, as enthusiastic as 1987’s Uninvited.

If I had to describe this utterly bonkers movie in one sentence it would be: Trump-meets-Epstine millionaire gets on a boat with a bunch of kids only to get picked off by a cat…with a demon in its mouth.

And yet, it’s so much more than that.

At a research facility, a cat-experiment escapes and kills its handlers. Out on the run, the cat finds safety in the hands of two girls on Spring Break, Suzanne and Bobbi. When the two girls find themselves without a hotel to stay at, they’re saved by creep extraordinaire, Walter Graham.

Walter invites the girls to join him on his yacht the following day. He plans to go to the Cayman Islands with his associates to evade prosecution for…something (honestly, I couldn’t follow and didn’t really care). But before the girls head off, they invite a trio of random boys to join them.

The whole gang, cat included, board Walter’s yacht. In exchange for joining the journey, the boys must work as the captain’s crew. The captain, Rachel, is not thrilled. Only, she’s trying to buy back the yacht from Walter, who managed to take it from her father when he owed money (or something – again, it was about money, and I didn’t really care).

A cat aboard should bring good luck. Maybe it does. But the demon in its mouth is probably cancelling out anything good the cat brought along. It begins killing everyone off starting on the first night with its poison. It also messes with the boat, stranding everyone at sea. It’s honestly the worst pet you could ever ask for, and it’s amazing! 

As the group is stranded longer and longer, they begin to make increasingly desperate decisions. Sure everyone seems to be an idiot. But it’s an 80s slasher, it’s not too below the standard of the genre. Plus it makes it all the more rewarding when they die!

Is Uninvited good? No. Is it fun as hell? Hell yeah!

The cat puppet is easily my favourite part of this movie. The beast is so hellbent on destruction. Why? Well, we don’t really know why other than ~scientsits~ but it’s easy enough to go along with things. Especially since the death scenes are pretty excellent. There’s splurting blood, knawed-off fingers, and poisoned food. Could you ask for more?

This is certainly not high quality. But I do think it’s worth popping on if you want to have a laugh. And it’s unique. How many other demon-in-cat mouth movies can you name?