Wicked (Wisconsin) Wednesday Pt. 24: Blood Junkie

bloodjunkie

Blood Junkie is a nostalgia-soaked movie from 2010 directed by Drew Rosas. It’s clear from right off that bat that this is a homage to the glory days of the slasher film. It even has that delicious aged-film crackle on the screen and some truly awful choices in eye-wear.

This slasher is set in “America’s Dairyland – 1989” – which can only be the most wondrous time in Wisconsin (back in the days where we Wisconsinites weren’t trying to kill off the “happy cows” from California, and we alone were sole rulers of the milk and cheese).  A lone drifter is making his way through the countryside before stopping at an abandoned factory. He’s quickly killed off by what looks like a lost miner from My Blood Valentine. After some pretty cool opening credits, we find out that this man only existed in a movie as a young boy is flipping through TV stations.

A high school girl, Laura, is left alone for the weekend with her younger brother. Their parents left them with $35 of “emergency cash” which, of course, is immediately spent on booze with her friend Rachel: “Pretty sure our current lack of booze for the weekend qualifies as a state of emergency.”

WISCONSIN!

The two friends get their underage alcohol at the local mini-mart where the meet two pretty 80’s dudes (short shorts, disgusting mustaches and all) who invite them to go with them on their camping trip. Blood Junkie shows all it’s cards early on when it comes to the inspiration. This is a straight slasher movie, and these two girls are pretty much carving their own epitaphs with the tropes they’re falling into.  It gets even worse when Laura bribes her little brother Andy to come along on the trip.

The group arrive to their site on the woods where they exchange ghost stories around the fire. One of the dudes shares a story his grandfather told him about a man who wanders the woods. He’s disfigured and chemically-altered. His body was damaged in a factory accident, and still was yet to be found. And after that fun bit, Laura immediately suggests Andy gets to sleep so that the sexy-bits can start.

In the morning, kid-brother Andy runs off into the woods to stab frogs with a stick before heading off on a hike with the girls. They come across the old factory from the beginning of the movie, which means my initial thoughts of this film being meta were stupid. But the factory creeps the glasses-twins out and they head out, leaving Rachel behind. Now I have never been forced into a horror movie before, but I do know that wandering aimlessly though an abandoned chemical factory alone is not ideal for anyone.

The boy decide to hunt Rachel down by going to the factory themselves. While they’re out, Laura is attacked by the chemical-dude. In an utterly bad-ass move by her little brother, he stabs the assailant in the back. But in a Michael Meyes-like way, he proceeds to carry on and drugs Laura. Get it? Blood junkie?? This will not be a surprise to anyone, but the ending is blissfully gory as everyone slowly gets picked off.

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Blood Junkie was obviously meant to contain as much cheese as possible. It’s now distributed by Troma, so it’s not a movie worth taking very seriously. Trying to do so only takes away the point. It’s blatantly clear that this was a laugh to make.

Sometimes the humor fell flat for me, mostly because it was a bit over-the-top, even for a movie that was clearly emulating the silliness of the movies it was pulling inspiration from. There’s a fine line between good and bad parody. Blood Junkie toes that line. There’s not too much more to say about this little movie as it pretty much follows the formula to a T. Though there is still plenty of fun to be had with this film, just don’t expect anything different or exciting once the gimmick has worn off.

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